September 6th 2020 5:32am Sunday

I love coffee, so much. Coffee is the thing that lets me know everything is going to be ok. I straight up panic when I realize I forgot to get coffee. It’s the best, usually when I wake up I still struggle with the thoughts of sleeping. Coffee is. the assurance that there is something that can be completed and after drinking it I always feel better. Even as I sip it right now I fill with so much joy and gratitude as I feel it’s worth coursing through my body. Such a wonderful drug, I love it, not sure if I would be here without it. I want a little portable propane lawn that can boil water so I can have coffee at Anahatas. Man if I can get that covid test I’m going to the festival next weekend. I am weary because it will be cold, though you did survive a frosty early November festival last year. You just need vodka and to not be a bitch. I feel excited today, joyous that I get to partake in the day, and also weary about how fucking sore I am from riding the past two days. It is intriguing how the body, my body specifically, but most likely all bodies actually perform better under minor stress. It’s like the feeling of staying up all night and the overthinking speaker box in my head quiets down. It feels like since there is something else for my body to focus on. it distracts itself from itself by healing itself.

I have been compiling so many great habits over the past few years. I really am a very different person than I was a few years ago. And I am still searching, learning, being curious, courageous, and confident. Whats the goal tho… ? To be massively strong, yes, not that measurable… How about tomorrow you start back on your road to deadlifting 500lbs. Thats a measurable goal that would take a plan and mapping. Plus smaller interim goals along the way. I want to gain proper amounts of muscle. I want to stay near the current weight that I am at but have less fat and more muscle. I am well on my way, and the only thing in my way is that little itch of doubt that is going to look for any and every little thing to throw you off course.

Another tangent came into my mind about a conversation yesterday with a coworker that ties into what I was saying about the quality of things. They were stocking out meat and we chatted for a moment about the two ground beefs and whether people would buy the one with more or less fat percentage. I claimed that people would most likely buy the one with less fat because the story for the past forty years or so is that fat is bad. My coworker basically agreed and exclaimed that animal fat was bad. They said something like, animal fat bad, peanut butter fat good. I tried to insert my opinion about quality but didn’t really get into it too deep into it. The point about quality is this, if you compared convention ground beef with conventional peanut butter you would probably find that both are pretty terrible for you and depending on ancestry and environment you may find one has more adverse effects than the other for different people. The point is that everything is so convoluted with the way we claim things, like if meat bad peanut butter good is missing so many factors. All meat isn’t created equal and neither is peanut butter. If you were to choose from jiffy peanut butter that had added sugars, preservatives, and soybean or vegetable oils or ground beef from an organic grass fed pasture raised source, choosing the meat would probably be less detrimental to your body. Isn’t that the whole point too? Like I get that there is a spiritual aspect to meat and information get stored within anything containing water and if the animal was scared or suffering then that information will be transmitted into the muscle fibers that you end up eating. I worry more about the woo woo than the actual physical composition of the meat because it’s not like our bodies aren’t well equipped to deal with all kinds of shit. I think being vegan should be medicine and meat should be muscle repair. A sick overweight person should definitely eat an entirely whole food plant based diet with minimal to no processed elements. A healthy person who is exercising hard should definitely consider incorporating some amount of meat into their diet. It just gets super confusing when you realize there is good and bad on both sides. High quality is the way to go always. 800 6:19am

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