September 25th 2020 Friday 5:52am

Welp I did it again. Slept in, and now I barely have enough time to ramble on. I was in a dream about climbing a mountain. You know when you get so engulfed in dream world that outside influences like your phone ringing become part of the dream? Yup that is where I was this morning. I swear I got up out of bed still dreaming grabbed my phone shut the alarm off and laid back down. By the time I even realized that I had been hitting the snooze 45 minted had gone by. It was deep and heavy but necessary. Sleep is so important and I tend to neglect it during the summer. But now that fall is upon us and it is soon to winter I am ready to really get some high quality sleep. Ugh I have less than twenty minutes and I am dragging along here. There is a board at work that people have chronicled the lives of the flies that inhabit our store. I was thinking about all the flies I found in the honey and commenting on that. Something like, “I was born yesterday in a break room trash can. I like trash a lot of course, it is my home, but I crave something sweeter. I had gotten word that there was a pool of nectar near the produce department. I began my journey. I first stopped over by the customer service and naked lunch trash to hang out with my cousins and see what their trash home had to offer. Their place was nice, pretty typical trash and compost. I couldn’t stay for long, I knew what I was after, and I only have a few days to live so I continued on. After getting turned around following some very sweet employees I finally made it to the honey. As I approached the vat of liquid sugar I could hear the cries of my brethren, help! I’m stuck! they would buzz. I made it inside through a crack in the lid. It was dark and warm just like my home except the aroma was intoxicating. As I got closer cries of warning rang out from all the flies still at surface level. It is a trap! Don’t get any closer! You will get stuck! Turn back now! Bring help! You are our only hope! Selfish I figured they were, probably just wanted all the honey for themselves. I started out on the side of the vat. That is when I had my first taste of honey, I was immediately hooked. As I drifted deeper and deeper into the sweet syrup I realized I could no longer move. I was stuck, but I didn’t care. I continued to ingest all of the sweet offerings until I could no longer breath. Goodbye cruel world, I regret nothing. Thats it I guess, stories over, maybe after some revisions it could be a classic novella. Flies stuck in honey, the tragic story of when taking it too far leads to a little fly’s demise. Fuck I feel heavy today, but I must push through and carry on because if you give in now you may never come back. See it feels almost as if I am constantly straying from the easy and well navigated path of my past. I would love to just get high all day eat food and lay on a couch. I like doing that so much that in order to make sure I didn’t do it all the time I threw away my tv and got rid of my couch. I still wrestle with myself about the pot but more recently than ever it is finally clicking that I am only here for this one shot and spending it laid out incapacitated from gross amounts of food and weed may not be the way I want to be spending my time. It’s such a chore to be under a perception of the occurrence of self doubt. On one side I doubt myself to the point that isolating with food and weed seems to be the only way to exist. Then on the other I question all the what ifs and missed opportunities of what I could be doing if I wasn’t stuck in a stoned stupor. What a trip. I am incredible proud of the progress I have made. Especially considering I accomplished most of what I have in recent years by myself. I guess that is the only way to do, at least for me, a lonely leaping gnome, with not a lot to lose and a whole lot to gain. Picture you will a country song, the tailgates down, natural ice in the cooler, Waylon playing on a bluetooth speaker with cool little led lights in it that change color and brightness with the progression of the song, pretty cool right? Yea I got it on amazon, crazy how quickly I can get any piece of junk shipped to my house with free shipping if I spend over $25. Fuck I love America! 843

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