September 17th 2020 Thursday 6:11am

Currently sitting at a desk in a Best Western hotel located in Marlborough Massachusetts, a suburb of Worcester.. I began driving last afternoon with little to no plan other than the direction I am headed is towards Acadia national park in Maine. The drive went smoothly until I hit route 15 in Connecticut. It was stop and go for miles. At that point I had been driving for well over three hours. I was getting antsy, and I had to pee. So I went a longer route along the coast to see if there was any views. At the time I really didn’t consider the forest fire haze currently washing over the east coast. It is hitting me that the views at Acadia will be hazy as well, but I’m kinda set at this point on getting there. So the drive through Connecticut was uneventful, mostly just the similar smelly metropolis you can get from any east coast city. The sun was beginning to set, and I don’t really like driving in the twilight before the sun is completely down. I would rather drive in the light or the darkness. Something about it makes everything harder to deal with. So I pulled off the highway again and came across a small brewery called thimble island. It looked promising for food and a drink. The beer I got was seemingly high quality but the food was all fried food truck trash. I debating getting all the things sans buns, rolls, and fries. But then really what am I even paying for? So I just got the beer and searched my phone for airbnb ideas. I decided to get back on the road and just get to Worcester, which was my hopeful destination for the day. Luckily I made myself a salad before I left and bought canned mackerel. It hit the spot. I drove for another hour or so through some very dark sections of 395 in Connecticut to Massachusetts. My phone brought me to the main inner city part of Worcester. I should have looked at where the directions were really taking me because that area pretty much sucked. All the roads were under construction, nothing was open, no one was around. Really can’t expect much more from nearing ten o’clock on a Wednesday. I was also low on gas. Luckily found a gas station, filled up and sat in the parking lot to write in my notebook. I want this trip to be the end of not planning. Like, cool, you can just go drive somewhere but then you end up in gas station parking lots to do your contemplative writing. Not really ideal at all. I was just on my phone searching around for places to go and stay this evening. I can possibly stay at this farm place that is only looking for ten bucks and two hours of labor. I’m intrigued just to see what kind of labor they would have lined up for strangers. Nearly all the other airbnbs I found were as much or more than any cheap hotel. Somehow managed to snag the place that I am at currently for $65. All things considered that is a deal, I checked in at like eleven pm. I want to be somewhere more scenic so I can manifest and contemplate. That is what this trip should be about. How I have the power to do all the things I want to do. It just takes being in action about the being I am occurring as. I want to be able to take a trip like this and have connections all along the way. That could easily be accomplished by putting more of yourself out there. Especially in video form, and having offering that people anywhere around the world can consume. You feel an odd resistance because you know it would be a lot of work, but it also just seems too easy. As if everything is supposed to be hard. The part that ego seems to be stuck on is a behavior that may not even be true to me. That is an act of secrecy about who I really am and what I really can accomplish. Ego wants me to hide my expression because it is safer that way. It has me pretty well convinced that the apparent exploitation of my true expression of myself is like cheating or something. As if I have to struggle and suffer at everything else except the thing that rings true. It is an excuse, a justification, and it just simply is not loving or truthful. For no reason and without judgement upon looking good or bad. That is the habit I want to create. I just want to be real with myself and transmit that realness outward. I know I have the goods, a spark of life that people need right now. A deep under and inner standing of the intricacies of mind, body, and spirit. Sounds corny, I know, but truly allowing myself to incorporate the idea that I have what is needed and wanted by so many people is going to take “being corny” to some extend. You are either going to get over yourself and be the change you want to see, or continue to act in a way that you are not being your true self and are constantly allowing ego to justify how and why it’s ok… 903 7:09am

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