September 16th 2020 Wednesday 5:41am

Back at it, back intu the routine of getting up early, getting the stuff done and sitting down in front of the computer to practice. I incorporated an easy breathing practice this morning that I am super excited to incorporate. Just a simple count of five in and five out for 33 rounds, and obviously the numbers can change but it was very grounding a clearing. The whole anahata’s purpose weekend has been so grounding and clearing. Even though it felt like I jumped right back into the same routine of life at least I gave myself the time off from work to integrate stuff. Also I have been being in observation towards my actions rather than judgement and it is feeling pretty natural at this point. Not really finding any reason to get down on myself in any way. Even if my actions aren’t quite in line with what I would truly like, I am not actively making it worse or a bigger deal that it has to be. It is one this to go back to substances that you have recognized as not being beneficial most of the time to your growth and progress and just observing the interaction and possible consequences if they arise. It is a whole other thing to go back to substance with a mental framework that you have to do these things to not be yourself, to escape, to cause harm that you believe you deserve. Then even further when you lean further into the judgement centers of consciousness and you think stuff like “oh I’m such a piece of shit for going back to the substances.” It not only becomes a self fulfilling prophecy, it uses so much more energy to be in that mind state. The mindset of believing that you deserve to be subjecting yourself to the detrimental ways of being creates more of what you get. You use substances because you want to subtly punish yourself for some apparent cause that is justified by evidence from a story that may not necessarily be true, but you believe it anyway and use the substance to not only feel away from your self, you get to use the experience to justify doing it again and continuously if that mindset about it doesn’t shift. I feel like I am always writing about this idea. I have probably said it many different ways different times. I want to be able to synthesize this idea into something palatable and then be able to convey that there is a way out and make a map about the different ways to get out of the cycles of being away from yourself and sharing the ways that have been found to be most beneficial for breaking up cycles of worry and self doubt.

I want to change the subject to cells. When I first began to learn about cells and actually understood the apparent processes that are happening, everything shifted. The idea of cells was there for me ever since high school biology class but when I started taking a deeper dive within the past couple years really nothing else has rung more true to my heart than the science of cellular processes, interaction, and interconnectivity. It is the easiest way to shift so much of the woo woo stuff into actual observable scientific information. The woo woo stuff can’t even compete with the incredible power of the physical interactions happening on a cellular level. Nearly everything we did over the weekend at anahata’s supported mitochondrial health, yet no one talked about it. I really want to be the one that mixes the woo woo with cellular science. From my relatively basic understanding too it apparently all comes down to two factors, mitochondrial, and cell membrane health, all other things fall in line once those two are taken good care of. Since if you are doing things to support mitochondria then the rest of the cell will be supported by a healthy entity that is able to do more incredible things than I even have time to get into. It is at this point my understanding of how to be healthy is to support mitochondrial health by consuming high quality air, water, nutritious food, exercising, quality time with others, and sleeping properly. Each one of those categories could easily be expounded upon for a whole section of this website, which is where I want it to head but for now I ask of anyone who could be reading this to research on their own how to support their mitochondria and go from there, the information is out there and the limitless possibilities of discovery around yourself and the world are present at any moment that you allow yourself to let go observe and just simply love. 798 6:16am

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