September 11th 2020 Friday 6:22am

I am at camp oak hill for the Anahata’s purpose retreat.  Writing into my notepad to hopefully get uploaded onto the website once I find some wifi.  I am in my tent, I have been up for a little bit, I had intentions of waking at my normal 4:32, which I did for a moment but I was kinda disoriented and didn’t really sleep all that well so when I closed my eyes again and re awoke it was 5:45.  I took a walk to the bathrooms with intentions of hopping in the pool because I heard it was cold, it wasn’t really cold, oh well.  Also wanted to see the sunrise, but it is way to cloudy for anything spectacular.  When I was pooping I had a bit of an epiphany about what I should be doing with this website.  I am actually doing a whole lot better at things I want to do than I give myself credit for.  Specifically around buying and consuming processed “food” especially from companies that lets say aren’t really here for the betterment and optimization of the human race.  Sure they may be here for some reason, to better their profits mainly, but that ain’t helping me or my brothers and sister so as a whole we must learn to just simply forget they are a thing.  Highlighting what is detrimental, why it is detrimental and whether or not there is a better more sustainable resource is what I want to focus on.  I have shied away from doing this thus far because I have such a silly ideal view of how I have to be to transmit that kind of stuff.  I think that I have to be some perfect specimen of health and well being to be able to tell people what is or isn’t good for them.  That is what has stopped me and I want to stop that shit because you ain’t never gonna be perfect and really that ain’t what the world needs.  You have come so far from being a fast food binge eating microwave everything programmed maniac.  You know not only the basic foundation for optimal nourishment you have a great understanding of what to do when someone is in a place of dis-ease.  I truly believe that most things can be healed with food.  This is what you get to work on.  You have the grand opportunity to be a voice in the matter of health.  You can synthesis what you know into your own version of a “no-diet” diet.  You know all the reasons why.  Processed foods wreak havoc on every aspect of human systems.  Not only do they require more energy to deal with an eliminate.  The really cheap petroleum based stuff will leave a residue that may never leave your body.  It is pretty crazy to think that when you ingest cheap heavily processed oils your body will use them as building blocks for your cell walls.  Your cell walls are one of the most important aspects of your composition.  They regulate what gets in and gets out of your cell.  The gatekeepers so to say, and when the gate keeper is composed of volatile brittle substances like heavy processed oils it doesn’t function correctly.  And your body is smart, really smart so it will acknowledge that something is wrong with the gatekeeper and attempt to repair it or in a lot of cases when there is such huge flood of undesirable building material it will shield from affecting other vital ingredients which shows up as inflammation.  It’s like your body is try to contain a fire by building a barracked around it while it has a team in the thick of the battle thing to put it out, and if you are continuously giving it what it doesn’t want it will eventually get tired and begin to break down other things and eventually start to slip up and allow for all kinds of damage to occur which ends up looking like DNA and gene regulation and activation malfunctions and that is what leads to cancer and disease.  Crazy to think that all this can be avoided and reversed by either not consuming things for periods of time and also consuming things that have ample nutrients that are able to assist and repair damage.  Your body is smart, the powers that be know this and that is why they are so dead set on making you sick and dependent on them.  They want you to believe you aren’t capable of taking care of yourself and that you need them to tell you how to think, feel, and act.  Well forget all that, to be the change that you want to see you are going to have to do things differently.  Which may seem like a daunting task but if you have a map, a plan, an online, some kind of framework of action and thought to refer to than the change gets more and more actionable and possible.  You are possible, you can become all that you really are.  Forget the insecurity, forget the worry and fear, just put your bets foot forward and keep moving.  I had a aha moment last night during a four agreements class.  The facilitator told a story about someone who assumed something about her and intended to get violent, but she reacted with an overly loving compassionate response.  It was like the person who was assuming said you did this and that, and I don’t like what I think you did so I want to get combative with you to alleviate the tension created by my worry and anxiety, and the facilitator who was being verbally attacked and being provoked to fight simply replied with open arms, an overly loving caring response, like I love you so much you are so amazing, I understand and all I want is for you to not feel this way and feel better about the situation.  They related it back to the shadow and how the shadow side should get love too.  This struck me as a revelation of how I am viewing the perceived “bad” or “dark” stuff in life as something to not be in a loving relationship with.  So instead of being like jeez those were such dark times in my late teens and early twenties, maybe be like I love and acknowledge your awesomeness unconditionally.  Your are wonderful dn amazing and I love you so much, you are so great.  Neither deny or accept some kind of heavy responsibility, just simply love.  Imagine going back to the times where you may have felt so confused and just give that guy a hug and let them know everything is ok and it’s not your fault and you are valuable and worthy of all the love. I don’t know how many words this is but I know Im close so im gonna close on that LOVE YOU SO MUCH! 7:17am

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