October 8th 2020 Thursday 5:56am

I think it is time to get intu caring for and taking care of ourselves. Specifically myself, me, me, me, I want, I want, I matter more than anything else on blast 24/7. The most important thing to you is yourself, it’s all you ever think about, it’s most of what you speak about, you are the main character in the story, and the story is quite absurd. Because even though I am the most important thing to myself, I tend to think of myself as a burden rather than a blessing. It’s an very old conversation, almost surely passed along generationally. The story highlights how easily humans can be fooled and lead to believe things that may not necessarily be true. My story has everything to do with me, I take everything super seriously while interweaving emotion and meaning intu the story to support all the reason why I have to continue to treat myself poorly. I just want to be fair to myself. That doesn’t mean I have to be all nice and lovey all the time, I just want to diminish the idea that it’s ok to treat myself like shit. The process is different but the result is always the same. I make up a story about not being enough and that becomes the grounds from which all detrimental behavior burgeon. As long as the lack story is present, the excuses are going to be present too. Many conditioned behaviors are brought on by triggers that exist only to justify and reason with your conscious mind to see how much you can cheat yourself. The multitudes of mechanisms that represent all needs and wants are pleading their case. The loudest seems to be the representative for sugar. My conscious thinking mind knows that sugar is poison and I feel like shit when I ingest too much of it, but the mechanisms prey upon uncertainty and regret. So if there are things you are unsure about and stuff that is incomplete in the meaning you made for the story than you already have more than enough evidence to consume crap that isn’t good for you. It goes on and on. So whats the solution? Practice. Practice being overly joyously kind to yourself. If you really want it plan for it, plan to be kind to yourself early and often in order to give the detrimental deterrents little room for convincing arguments. Create conditions where all that “not good enough” “not worth it” lingo means little to nothing, and surely is not taken personally. Just be with yourself where you are at and without judgement. If the critic is real harsh, it is going to be difficult and require a lot of work. Work that you are capable of. Existence shouldn’t be our burden to bear, it should be our garden where we get to experience, play, and grow. Supporting the shift intu the dialogue of empathy over apathy is what I want to support myself and the world in. It sure as fuck seems like a long, dark, lonesome road out ahead. Just remember that plenty of people have travelled this road so when you take a step you are stepping intu a lineage of progress. What we need more than ever are powerful brave individuals willing to take on the journey of self in order to lighten the load for everyone else. Every time someone becomes free of a perceived burden everyone else benefits. I think the point of this ramble is that nothing is real, so get over it. Sounds harsh yes, I am being a bit facetious also, but it really is time to get that outside of your perception of reality there is only everything and nothing. Those words also barely scratch the surface of the meaning that they intend to hold. Then adding in the misperceptions of human emotion they are sure to be confused for something literal and meaningful. Ups and downs, twists, and turns, back and forth, side to side, around and around we go, no matter where we go or stop we are always here now so let that be the guiding light through the deep tunnel of consciousness that we have been granted the gift of experiencing. We can do this we can turn this garbage intu a garden. Begin by doing the work necessary to be convinced without a doubt that you are complete, whole, and perfect right now as you are. Begin to dig up that which has yet to be uncovered, be with the mud without judgement or fear, remember you are always perfect always. Create a clearing that supports new growth now, no judgement, just be with yourself and your garden. Root yourself intu the magic and wonder of being, practice cultivating strong soil through manifestation, movement, nourishment, hydration, and rest. Once the groundwork is set as a healthy stage for action it is time to share. Waste no energy on comparison and ideal expectations. We grow faster with ups and downs.837

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