October 19th 2020 Monday 5:23am

It occurs that I over think the feelings and under feel the thoughts. If that makes any sense. More often than not I am speaking from my mind. It is a trap I can’t quite decide if I was thrown into or created along the way to survive. Either way it seems to be a strong pattern of behavior. I currently feel dull, but excited. The thinking side is trying to stifle the excitement because it generally perceives everything as some kind of danger or threat and I have to hold back on my expressions because it means danger is imminent. The fucked up thing is that the perceived danger is generally a simple worry about not looking good, or looking bad. I feel annoyed that I have come back to the analyzation of intrinsic behavior mechanisms and patterns. This story is boring and it never seems to have much going on except the analyzation itself. If there was a plan to exercise another mode of being then maybe there might be some progress in the seemingly over reflective self analyzing patterns. It is such a symptom of the not enough, lack, scarcity mindset. Holding yourself back for whatever meaning you made up instead of being more lavish with your approbations of yourself and others. From this moment forward I intend to stray away from the play of conflict within my mind. I want to be truthful, joyous, playful, and a little weird. So here goes nothing, what a phrase, imagine a guy saying that, and then nothing happens, tah dah, he exclaims. I said here goes nothing and nothing happened, I would have said here goes something if I was about to do a thing. I do the same thing every morning. I forget most of the ideas I have when I’m away. What if you were to write the story of how you lived the rest of your life. I wanted to start writing from now, but let’s save the backstory and simple jump in. I feel resistance immediately, thoughts about explaining what I’m doing and why. Get over yourself, it ain’t that serious, it ain’t even necessarily so, so just go for it. Ok Spencer is traveling to Costa Rica for a wellness retreat he is hosting a workshop at and also assisting in facilitation. This trip is part of an international journey doing workshops on movement, breath, and trauma release. The workshops are intense. The preparation alone is done by fasting, breath work, sleep deprivation, and hot/cold therapies amongst other physical actives and mental preparation. The purpose of the preparation is to release tension which can in turn begin to reset the nervous system by fatiguing the body to an extent that allows it to revert back to basic patterns. Many of the higher thinking centers of the brain and nervous system are responsible for the imbalances, attachments, and holding patterns that humans tend to become locked into. The intensive involves movement to guide muscles toward how to move optimally. This is achieved through vibration of sound waves, both external, and internally resonated. Both harmonizing vocal emotions with resonant frequencies that correspond with energy centers throughout the body, and realigning structures passively through tuning instruments such as drums, bowls, and synthesized waves. In order to assist the elimination of tension, vibrations are brought upon within the body through muscle fatigue from eccentric movements, exercise, and cold therapies. The idea is to first put the body in a state where tensions are loosened up, so to then direct the movements and patterns in a more optimal and efficient behavior. There are multiple levels to the experience. There are several people facilitating. At least three coaches are needed, sometimes more. The first facilitates the preparation phase which involves creating fatigue within the body. Participants are to water fasting for at least 36 hours before getting into movement, deep meditation, cold therapy, sleep deprivations, and ontological dialogue exercises amongst other. The key is to be in a parasympathetic, rest and digest mode more often than not while still interacting with challenges that create fatigue and aid release. The preparation is he most difficult part because everyone is different and people will react to the protocols differently. The most important part is breathing, a lot of time and emphasis is spent on breathing techniques that bring participants into rhythmic breathing cycles. The next phase is a deeper intensive of rebirthing/holotropic breath work sessions, art and movement therapy, hot and cold exposure, and tissue restructurization guided by biomechanical protocols that is facilitated to allow participants to guide their bodies by unlearning frozen or held tissue tension patterns. This is achieved by reincorporating primal patterns like crawling, pushing, pulling, squatting, lunging, twisting, bending, walking, and running. The minimum time for all of this to be achieved is three days. The whole thing will be a week long, and the preparation for participants starts at least two weeks prior with activity and diet protocols. The final phase is a reintegration from the intensive world back into the chaotic western world that we are preparing ourselves for by putting ourselves through this experience. The last bit is all about how to bring yourself back to yourself in times of stress and while being challenged without reverting back to holding, attaching, and freezing the stress within the body. Affirmative gratitude, manifesting abundance, creating measurable objectives, replacing detrimental dialogues, being embodied amongst other things are all incorporated to have participants leave being able to be the cause in the world. It is one hell of a ride. 930

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