October 15th 2020 5:14am Thursday

This morning I woke up to use the bathroom, got back into bed, laid down for less than a minute, and my alarm went off. I couldn’t help but laugh because I did the same thing yesterday. I have gotten so good at waking up early that I’m waking up moments before the alarm. What am I doing it for though? It seems like I’m collecting all the puzzle pieces but I have no idea what the puzzle is supposed to look like so I struggle with trying to piece everything together without a clear vision of what I am trying to build. Actually that isn’t the most accurate analogy. It’s like there is a picture of the what the puzzle is supposed to look like in a box. The box only exists in dream world, and I have seen the picture in the box many times but sometimes it is different and I usually forget exactly what it looks like before I wake up. The box is inside a container, the container is locked in a room, the room is one of many rooms inside a fucking castle, the castle is atop a snow covered peak. The road to the castle is icy and treacherous. This is seemingly why I am so apprehensive. I resist taking this journey so much that I trick myself into believing the picture doesn’t even exist. The thing I need to get is there is nothing wrong with this and the perceived lack of motivation to seek out what I know is there is inherently meaningless. Wow a spider just repelled down from the ceiling right in front of my face nearly landed in my coffee and proceeded to walk across the desk and laptop down the side of the desk. I wrote about fear yesterday, that was confirmation that I am not fearful of spiders. I may have been startled when it dropped down right in front of my face but I all I could do was laugh. Damn that distracted the shit out of me. Where the hell was I? Dream world, castles with pictures of puzzles in containers right… The thing I am also not acknowledging is that my intentions and interactions in waking life effect the dream world. The evolution of my dreams over the past two years or so has been such a wild ride. It started off in what seemed like an underground tunnel. There was a community that had seemingly built some kind of supportive structure out of large pieces of wood. They were crafting things too out of what seemed like pieces of animals. Even though they seemed primitive they had a community and an obvious ability to work together and construct things. It’s like they were working on something supportive, a sort of underground foundation. I have no memory of ever going back, the rest of the dreams were above ground. The above ground dreams generally involved a city in turmoil. I had many dreams about violent interactions in seemingly shady areas of a run down city. It seemed like the underground people were the rebels building a resistance to the chaos that was unfolding above. I interpreted the run down abandoned city as a result of my own abandonment of the dream world. For years I didn’t dream as a symptom of smoking too much pot and generally not getting enough sleep. It felt like I had built the city long ago and then left for a while and it had been taken over by gangs. I have had a lot of dreams either on route to catch a train or actually riding on trains. This seems to symbolize a constant search for some kind of truth, I am seeking something. Most if not all the dreams have been based in this city. Really just one comes to mind that was out in a more natural setting and it seemed like I was at some kind of camp. The most recent dream that led me to believe I was getting closer to something introduced me to the idea of a castle. I was seemingly driving a large tractor thing that I had a feeling wasn’t mine. It was real awkward because the wheels extended out super far on each side, I worried about wrecking the thing. I made it through the city and over a bridge with the wide ass truck thing. I was then driving on an icy narrow road spiraling up to a peak. On one side was a drop off into what seemed like water. The truck was too wide and fell off, I felt guilty because it apparently wasn’t mine. Even though my ride was gone I was somehow just appeared inside what seemed like a stone castle. There was a large hole in the floor that opened up to water and I could see a shark swimming. An old friend was there and they got taken by the shark. I was then at what seemed like a second floor at a large door, I became paralyzed and waited for some impending horror except I was able to growl myself out of the dream. I interpret all of this as the journey to some kind of inner castle that has sacred secrets within, and I must face a symbolic monster of sorts to gain further access. Dreams are weird… 899

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *