October 10th 2020 5:27am Saturday

Onward and upward to such great heights unknown to the viewer. The participant will aspire to rise above all attachment and oppression to get there. Are you ready to aspire higher? I wrote those last sentences as a response to the tarot card I just pulled which is aspiration, the four of wands. I was thinking about aspirations this morning, also I did some conscious breath work and a little meditation. I want to say I was aspirating to aspire to my aspirations. Interesting how the same word has two meanings. Before I pulled a card I was thinking about how I want to do, yet it occurs like I don’t. I really wanted to just start this off today with a bunch of, you aren’t doing enough, and you had all the time in the world and you still haven’t acted upon your ideas crap, but I stopped myself and decided to do something different and pull a card. As I was laying the cards out the card that came to mind was the tower. I know I have more than enough to be successful, I just have to take the leap of faith and let go of attachment to lack. I focused on just being with the cards, closed my eyes, took some breaths and pulled a card quite similar to the tower. The card itself has the Washington monument, the statue of liberty, and several other tower like structures. Even a google definition of aspire simply says: rise high; tower. Maybe I might be making this all mean more than it may mean, but in some cases if its gonna light a fire up your ass than let it be all meaningful. I have such a capacity to dream about lofty heights I know I am capable of reaching. The worry and fear immediately creep into my conscious thought, even though it ain’t necessarily so. The first thing that came to mind about how I to set myself up for success is limiting distraction. Part of the fear and worry is dopamine fomo. Some part of the chemistry is worried that it is going to miss out on that hit of good feelings so it clings to every historic tale it can to keep the machine running as it always has. The chemical mechanisms only know what brings them pleasure, there is no reasoning with a machine, it’s either on or off. When it is off for too long it worries that it will never be in pleasure again so it goes on alert to make it seem like something is wrong and the only thing that will make things right is whatever act is attached to the process. How did I get here? Oh yea distractions, see what you just did there, you distracted yourself from examining aspirations by distracting yourself breaking down distractions. Very tricky these mechanisms are and if they are left unchecked they will easily hijack the controls and you will be running on autopilot. I aspire to reduce the time in autopilot by limiting options. I know I can do it too, I have created a morning routine with little to no room for options. Water, shower, coffee, write, every day. Then… the mechanisms act as if I should congratulate myself by worrying about all the things I could be doing and then I end up relying on the easiest source of dopamine which end up being scrolling mindlessly on my phone. So it goes. It seems like the extensive list of things I want to and could do go on forever. Then even more distracting is attempting to decide which would be “best” thing to be doing. Meditation, yoga, exercise, breath work, drawing, practicing guitar all come to mind. Seamlessly the lack, I’m not enough dialogue has hijacked capability and intention. It’s like even before I had the thought and started the sentence whatever mechanism is in charge said simply, “you’re not gonna do that,” and the worry set in about how I may never and woe is me, I might as well just revert back autopilot and scroll endlessly because I will get the instant gratification I desire. Anything to distract you from what is true to you. Lets be straight about that one thing, instant gratification is not true to you. What is true is the joy of putting in work towards a larger deeper outcome. I know this, the collective me knows this. So aspire for that, remind yourself often that everything you seek is already here. All you aspire towards and desire is already here. You must begin a chipping away towards the larger goal of success, because you don’t want to wonder what if and be regretful about the lack story you made up.796

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