August 25th 2020 7:06am Tuesday

I don’t feel like I am being super productive writing out these long interpretations of stories and what they mean and how I react and how things play out in the realm of being. Yesterday was a magical ass day. It gave me hope. Everything just seemed to align. It really gave me a sense of hope. I still feel the hope. I feel compelled to start every sentence with, I don’t, I know the first sentence starts with it, I wanted that to be the only one to prove a point that its ok to right things the way they just come out, because again, no one is reading is and even if they did I doubt they care about the words themselves its more about the journey of interacting with the world through symbols to transmit emotion and relatedness. The thought about being a success story came up this morning. You have talked before about knowing what to do. You haven’t even really tried. Thats something to look into is that you perceive the shifts as being some hard uncomfortable thing but really the only proof you have of that are cherry picked stories, reactions from emotions inputs brought on by little tingles of worry or anxiety, or the proof is completely fictitious based in nothing but story and assumption. Ok got it, Im not trying, and I totally get and acknowledge that. So to actually do the thing what would you first want to shift or take on implementing. This is where I get hung up. I paused and was overwhelmed by options. So typical, so ordinary. What should be done? Hmm. Ok, done, like complete. I have been thinking of all of these things that aren’t complete ongoing things. Like I would like to be a higher muscle percentage and lower fat percentage. Like whatever my weight, and body fat are now I want to be less. By when? This is somewhat hypothetical so I’ll move on for now, so what else? Have an email list with five people. How about choosing a topic and writing 750 words about it. That would be something else rather than continuously writing sentences that are talking about the typing out of the thing that it is… Holy shit the thing I just got in the moment is that when “I’m” talking to myself and that “I’m always” thing comes up around whatever story I tell myself justifying how I am being, that shit ain’t me at all. Thats the story speaker box that is always on blast. Thats the “already always listening” for your own system of stories. You can always think of right now as a fresh start. Move on from the perceived inadequacies of the past and be here with yourself right now and really feel out what it is that you can devote some Tim and effort towards that will give you a result. Fucking bake a cake, ya know, like get the directions, the ingredients, follow it through and complete something. More completion. More completion for things that you set out to accomplish. It can and will be the greatest achievement of your life to get yourself intu an expression of yourself that is actually completing things you want to do. Dang even just dedicating a hour to a thing can be a completion. Every time I write that 750th word on here thats a completion that I rarely actually integrate into my being as a completion of an extraordinary task. So good job. You have been doing this shit for a while now, since May. Pretty impressive. It has gone all over the place, however I can see the place I want to put my energy into. I just want to be present and there for myself and others. I want to provide a map. An escape plan to avoid all the pitfalls of having a thinking mind and thriving body. It is a blessing and to really engage with the world as the absolute most potential you have is what I am intending to do. That is accomplished by defining why or for what you are doing anything for. The thing that I keep avoiding, resisting, refusing to really pinpoint down what it is to focus on and complete. See how easy it is to fall right into the judgmental analytical voice. It’s boring, like you… hah yea, but um ok, so what I do is pinpoint an apparent failure and then explain how exactly it plays out that way and why and blah blah blah boring. So yea stop it, complete something, love you, goodbye 772 7:49am

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