August 21st 2020 7:16am Friday

Welcome, I am coming to you from Sea Isle city New Jersey. Not doubt that I was gonna get wifi immediately, there is nothing but residences as far as the eye can see. I want to go see the sea, I am very close. I want to write this on the beach. But I don’t want the computer to get sandy, dilemmas. In retrospect rising to watch the sunrise would have been the ticket. Did not plan or think that one through, maybe next week. Watched some of the democratic convention thing last night. What bothers me about it is how often everyone say dumb shit about trump. They put dumb lines like he isn’t fit to be in office four more minutes let alone four more years. Like sneaking in these little snarky remarks here and there. When in reality trump is a giant rotting sack of shit. The fact that they aren’t telling people straight up all the stuff that trump has actually done. Not even the stuff he’s accused of. It kinda sucks that framing him as a misogynistic pig might actually get other misogynistic pigs off. You know the kinda people that get off on abusing women, themselves, any and everybody. Do these people even matter? Do the voters even matter? Or does it have more to do with the lies the brainwashing the fear the herding the constant manipulation. Evil wicked deep perpetrated by evil wicked people who really see have no concern for anyone or anything else. People that flat out have no empathy or compassion for anyone outside their perception. Even any compassion for anyone or anything within their perception is fleeting and vacant. I can kind of relate. There really is nothing getting me my way but myself. Sure it isn’t easy, and seems scary, and the probability of having billions of monies is low. Thats just a realistic snapshot of what life looks like. Outside of comparison towards other you can say that you are at your best ever right now. Sure a few months ago it looked a little more refined and you were leaning into engaging with an objective. You know now what can be achieved and really what the watch out for when leaning. Because it occurs like an immediate resistance which puts me into an isolation mode where I retract my reach very quickly and abruptly. Each time to it seems that it is to passively send out a call for help, and wait around for anyone to notice your cryptic cries. They aren’t really cries, just low inaudible whispers of worry. Oh how I would love to just not worry so much. Take it easy, but challenge yourself to act upon reaction to stimuli rather than allow your inner dialogue to chime in immediately and dictate the way that you get to be in the world. It is like a filter, stuff comes in, real stuff, stuff that happens outside of you, and you have immediate knee jerk intuitive reaction towards what ever it is. However the amount of time between the instinct reaction and the filtered interpretation varies but usually if you aren’t very aware of where you are currently at in your ways of being then the filter negates the instinct in the moment and there becomes no difference between real outside world and perception. This is where we fuck up constantly. Even thinking about this has me really feeling into where I am at. Currently I am being somewhat aloof or arrogant by sitting outside of this storehouse with a laptop typing. This little itch of anxiety is pulling at me causing me to be kind of tense and defensive about what I am doing. Feeling some wrongness, kind of an embarrassment, especially when a neighbor just walked out. She smiled, so that actually made me feel better. I feel like I just dug somewhere that made sense. Its the law of attraction, if you’re being crabby and resistant the universe will give you crabby and resistant. When you are free and open, the universe gives you that. I want to be free, open, loving, caring, joyous, playful, courageous, committed, determined, and understanding. You are killing it and it’s time you fully integrate you greatness to match the level that you are actually at. Which being that real about it can no doubt give you access to a vision of a better/greater self. Start where you are at. Outside of the stories you tell yourself you are actually really great. Love you! 759 7:53am

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