August 10th 2020 Monday 9:38am

Everything is different today. I woke up late so I missed my regular writing time. Now I am writing at aunt Marby’s table rather than my desk. Riveting I know. So whats going down in Spence town you say? That is a sure fire way to get up on whats going down. That which is behind all we see. From merely a seed grows a great tree. Feels ok, repetitive, we are fine divine and one time for once and always. Love lingo sent passing through me.

When am I going to see that my own mental enslavement is and will continue to enslave all those around me just that little bit more because I am so boxed in and frozen. Sure you could look at it that way, again as being the worst thing ever! Or just keep it moving. Even bringing up stuff like this is tough because it gets too personal. Yea dogg taking responsibility is personal. The way to approach is with compassion and non-judgement. But its soo hard like everything bad is my fault and I just keep fucking up and losing and focusing on said fuck ups nd loses over anything else.

You need a new narrative control team. You are great at doing what you are doing, and you are ready for more. Affirmations bro, you did it before so you know it works. You are getting better at realizing your compulsive behaviors. The next step is to work to identify and eliminate the story you tell yourself about it. Bridging that gap is the key to learning. It is tough but it is possible, dang thats kind of an affirmation. Nah shit ain’t that tough, as long as you remember you’re a fucking boss that accepts and receives all the abundance the universe reflect upon you. That point again about the basis of the reflection and how thats the most important element of how you view yourself in the universe and what it reflects back and how breaking out of those patterns of existing in the universe with innumerable imbalances, disharmonies, impotences due to limiting self talk and stories that end up looking and sounding like “not good enough”. That thing that deep down “dark/shadowy” place that has you saying to the universe subconsciously that you, a reflection of the divine, are not good enough. That is where I kinda started out having the though about like if I’m holding back the expression of my loving giving divineness then how am I going to place an judgment on anyone else around me especially because if it were to be a thing that could be accessed more regularly there would inevitably be a ripple effect. Meaning, being in action, participating in practice, the gift of word, expression, love, and harmony applied to all aspects of existing.

I should probably start writing about something specific to practice what that would be like. I kind of want to find out exactly why butter coffee is so good. At least for me it has such a positive effect on my mental and physical state. I have seen a few videos explaining the benefits and anecdotally heard that it was great but until I tries it at certain times when my body is craving sugar in the morning the butter coffee seems to curb off the craving for some time because it gets fats to digest rather than sugars and the caffeine promotes metabolic function which is hopefully breaking down all the crap I ate last night quicker than if it was burdened with more food on top. I am torn and this is going to seem boring and lame but like I enjoy eating fruit in the morning, Ive been doing it for some time and I just enjoy the feeling. However it tend to leave me in a sugar high then crash state, which inevitable turns into craving more food, specifically sugars and the cycle continues until I pass out. So the thing I enjoy doing leads me to places that I don’t enjoy being. The fast til afternoon seems to have the best result most of the time. Hmm, I just want to eat fruit and feel as good as I do when I have fasted. do I have to choose either or?

My guess would be that there are ways around it and they are being more active, even just more expressive and engaged which would pretty much mean you would have to be more expressed. Ok affirmations I forgot, you are valuable as fuck! Yea, I love the beautiful soul in which you are, aw. I am better than good, I’m great! I am treasure and valued! I am ready to love life! Keeping moving! You are not your stories! 798 10:21am

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